Admear's Vanishing (Short Story)

 Admear's Vanishing 

by Zeno

13/06/1975

it just stood there. towering over me. never once did it indicate or imply any threat. never once did it reach out for me.

never once did it directly stare at me. and yet. I was scared. that is precisely what scared me the most. it just stood 

there. it smiled. a blissful smile. but not one that radiates peace to others. rather a blissful smile that radiates 

superiority. it was blissful to it alone, because it knew we had nothing we could do against it. it was terrifying to us, 

because we knew we stood at its mercy. never once did it try to attack us or anything of the sort. the most it did, 

was vaguely look in our direction, without staring into our eyes.

16/06/1975

three days have passed. it’s still there. I’m scared of leaving my house. I’m scared of what it could do to me. 

I’m scared of all that I don’t know it could do to me. the things I can imagine are easy to deal with, i know what 

to expect. i know how it could feel. I’m scared of what I don’t know. I’m scared of everything I can’t imagine.

 I’m scared of the unknown that lies in every breath this creature takes. nothing is as it was anymore. the authorities 

have decided to do nothing about it and see if it just evaporates. they don’t know how to deal with it. i thought 

people would unite around this threat and do something about it. we haven’t. we’re cowards. we’ve grown further 

apart. we’re doing everything we can to avoid confrontation. because what does confrontation imply with 

something we don’t know. something whose nature is entirely different from ours. we could try to understand it.

 but one alone can’t do it. and people don’t have the guts to gather around it anymore and observe it long enough 

to try and understand it. they’d rather try to ignore it. take every necessary detour to not have to see it. thinking that

 if they don’t see it, it might just be a figment of their imagination and not really exist out there. I can guarantee it 

exists out there. I cannot stop looking at it. I cannot come close to understanding it. it is a revolt against everything

 i know, words can’t come close to describing it. i dream of it and wake up to see it again. it has infiltrated my

 mental landscape in every aspect. 

20/06/1975

Yesterday I had no choice but to spend three hours in front of that monolith of a being. i couldn’t take my eyes off it,

 so I figured I'd go as close as possible in order to see if i tire myself out from looking at it. there is not much fear left,

 it has grown to something else, something i can’t quite describe. lesser than worry but still some sort of negative 

curiosity. uncertainty and hope in the fact that it leaves the same way it appeared. a sudden woosh. its expressions 

change every now and then. although the one i can understand most easily is one that seems to be a smile, a crooked

 and corrupt smile. one that exudes arrogance. a narcissistic sentiment of joy. or at least that’s how i see it. i don’t 

know how others see it. only few others have come to stand there besides it. and when i approach to talk to them, 

they look at me anxiously and start walking away. i wish they’d talk to me about how they feel. i feel lonely facing 

this unknown thing. they probably feel so too. we could help another out. i guess fear still lingers among them. not 

allowing them to truly face it. if i were to talk to them about it, it would make it more real. it would solidify its

being. the other expressions seem to be something in the general area of boredom. almost expressionless, but a 

slight look in its eyes that implies uninterest. 

22/08/1975

I saw people bow in front of that creature today. not true reverence. rather a fearful worship. one hoping for mercy.

 a worship that comes not from love or gratitude towards a higher being but one that originates from fear of the 

unknown. 

26/08/1975

Yesterday a man went up to it and stabbed it. He gathered the attention of many by yelling and explaining his i

ntentions. He went up to the creature, hesitated for a bit, and finally decided to go along with his claims. he 

fiercely stuck his knife into the creature. No noise. A slight change in expression. Nobody made a sound, 

everybody was just waiting to see what happens. All of a sudden, blood starts spilling from the man’s stomach. 

he looked down in horror and saw the knife sticking out from his own body. as if the stabbing occurred from 

within him. some people yelled out in shock, others remained silent in disbelief, wondering what physical property 

of the universe could probably explain this sequence of events. the creature wasn’t impenetrable, that would’ve 

been easier to explain to oneself, it wasn’t permeable, allowing things to go through it unaffected. it was something

else entirely, something we couldn’t physically grasp. everybody saw the knife enter its body, everybody saw the 

knife coming out of that man’s body. the feeling of wonder aroused by this physical impossibility was overshadowed

by the feeling of hopelessness, for how would we get rid of this thing. we couldn’t harm it. we would only harm 

ourselves through it. an interesting question popped into my head however, what if I was to force myself into that 

creature, what would happen to me? would I in some way come out of myself like that knife, would I be stuck in an

eternal loop of atomic rebirth in my own physical form? would I transcend to some other realm? would I implode 

because of the physical limitations of my own organism? I decided to leave this as an unexplored question. the risk 

of what could happen outweighed the benefit of knowing what happens by a lot. 

13/06/1976

a year has passed, since Admear’s arrival. that’s the name the people chose to give it, a mixture between Admiration

and Fear. Because that’s what they felt the most upon looking at that creature. It has not really changed in stature. 

The only thing that has changed is its expressions. we haven’t seen it smile in a while. no more arrogant grin. no 

more superior look. now it’s either a bored look or something that seems like pain. not a physical sort of pain. rather 

an emotionally afflicted sentiment. as if one is dissatisfied and hurt by the underwhelming nature of an experience. 

people gather twice a week before it and bow in a worshipping manner. some make the efforts to say some sort of 

prayer to it. some leave coins and other belongings there as some sort of sacrificial rite. the offerings never stay there

 for too long before someone else takes them. others simply look at it with wonder. life has not changed much after 

the initial shock it caused in our routines. people have grown accustomed to its presence. whereas at first they would 

take detours to not have to face it, now they take detours to walk in front of it. to see it once more, to feed their 

curiosity of what it’s doing there, to say one more prayer while standing before it, to take one last look at its 

unnatural form before it might vanish again. never again has someone tried harming it after what occurred to that 

one man who tried to stab it. his family built a little memorial in his name right next to Admear, in remembrance of 

his bravery, or stupidity, depending on how you look at it. these things always change depending on the outcome of 

an action. these things always depend on the perspective one internally adopts. 

19/07/1976

yesterday I stayed for a while near Admear, simply looking at its expressions. they shifted from uninterested to that 

emotional unfulfillment I described the other day. I tried praying to it. I felt nothing. I felt stupid for even trying to 

do that. I came back home and took a shower to wash away the naivety I felt. Admear’s expressions stayed in the 

back of my mind for the rest of the day. 

26/08/1976

it’s been a year since that man died trying to stab Admear. people held a little memorial celebration. I watched from 

afar. I moved in close for a bit, but then retreated again. at the end, they didn’t just commemorate how that man 

challenged Admear, they started praying to Admear. they started thanking Admear. for what, I don’t know. but their

 eyes looked different. they didn’t fear it anymore. they didn’t worry about it anymore. they started to truly revere it

 as some sort of supernatural being in our plane of existence. something that came from a world beyond and has 

power over us. I guess it isn’t too far from that. but I don’t know about worshipping it. doesn’t feel appropriate.

15/11/1976

more and more things are gathered in front of Admear. people don’t take them anymore, they think it would cause 

bad luck. upon seeing other belongings there, they even feel forced to leave something next to it as well. I left a coin

there the other day. not much has changed in my life to believe that action entailed some sort of luck. maybe the luck

that happened was the absence of misfortune. i guess i wouldn’t know. the things that don’t happen in our lives are 

just as important as the things that happen. 

27/02/1977

people have started talking about the festivities they’re willing to organize for Admear’s second “Birthday” or rather

“Appearance day”. I was asked to help out in organizing the seating plan for everybody. Tables, Chairs and how to 

set up the whole thing. I had two options in mind. Either we sit in the general are beside Admear and leave it next to 

us like some sort of monument to admire while we eat and drink, or we set up everything around it, making it the 

center of the whole festivity, I ran my ideas by some people and most settled for the latter. I was a bit hesitant, but

 decided to stick to that seating plan. 

15/04/1977

Admear’s “Appearance day” is the only thing I can still think about. it’s growing closer and closer every day. there is

some sort of anxiety growing within me. Intuition? or just mindless worry? who’s to know.

13/06/1977

Today is the day. I feel excited and nervous. I don’t know why. I’ve grown a bit fond of that creature. I see myself 

looking at it with care every day. A longing to be even closer to it. It’s weird. 

14/06/1977

I don’t quite know how to explain what transpired yesterday. Let’s start off by saying everything was going well. 

People were enjoying themselves. Eating, singing, dancing, everything around Admear. Then at some point, 

something happened which divided all of us. Admear made a sound. We couldn’t tell what it was. Some people said 

it was laughing, others said it was crying. It was a shrill and sudden sound. It vibrated throughout the ground and 

into our bodies. Some people wanted to continue the festivity to please it, others wanted to put an end to it, because 

they thought we were disturbing it. Nobody knew what the truth was. Everybody claimed to know what the truth 

was. I sensed animosity and hostility in the air. The tension grew. One man, convinced that Admear was in pain, 

punched a woman that was singing in the face. Everybody was in shock. Somebody threw a glass at that man and 

cut his face open. I started to step back from the mass of people, not knowing what to do. Admear made another shrill

 sound, it felt like our bones were being drilled into. this made some people stop their antics, but the adrenaline was to

o high among some and they continued fighting. then it happened. someone threw a knife at someone else, who 

managed to duck and the knife went straight into Admear. a dreadful reminder of that man. his memorial served no 

purpose. the knife completely slit that person’s face in half. blood was on the floor. blood was on the table, chairs and

food. blood was everywhere. Admear’s expression changed again. Pain. Disappointment. Remorse. I saw a girl throw

itself onto Admear, trying to hug it. As soon as she touched it, she started to yell in pain, her skin became as if it 

was burned, we saw no fire, not some sort of chemical burn, the skin simply started to turn purple, mushy and 

honestly terrifying to look at. everybody stopped and observed in shock. she lasted about 14 seconds before she fell. 

all that we heard was her skull crack open upon hitting the concrete. Her mother started running towards her dead 

daughter, yelling in despair. The father started running towards Admear in a blind rage. The same didn’t happen to him.

He went right through Admear, we heard a sound. I don’t quite know how to describe it. I would say it was like a 

void snapping, it was short and sudden and discomforting. It was deafening but left no echo. it ended as soon as it 

happened but yet stayed with everybody for a while. I don’t know how that must’ve felt. I don’t know if I want to 

know. Admear made one last sound. One that intuitively let all of us know that things were about to change. it 

wasn’t a shrill sound. it wasn’t sudden. it was long and deep. it was harmoniously profound. it pointed towards the 

endlessness that pervades reality. it sounded like cycles of death and rebirth. it felt like a cosmic roar. not high in 

volume but deep in bass. people stood still. some cried. some couldn’t move for about half an hour. nobody knew 

why. whether Admear caused that within us, or whether we caused it to ourselves. one thing was certain. things felt 

different. people started to walk away, leaving everything behind as a sacrifice for Admear. 

28/06/1977

Admear is gone. Left without a trace. I didn’t see the vanishing. upon going outside this morning, it just wasn’t there 

anymore. someone claimed to have seen the disappearing act, I asked for a precise retelling of what happened. this is

what I was told:

“I went up to Admear to pray to it. I stayed there for a while. Then, I heard a sound, like a deep breath being taken. 

with each breath the air around Admear seemed to get tighter, seemed to get more tense. I had to step back because I 

felt as if my lungs were collapsing. after posting myself up at a mild distance, Admear’s shape started to undergo 

slight changes. it was a spontaneous twitch that made it shrink a bit and go back to its normal size. then again. the 

deep breaths continued. and then its mouth opened. I was expecting a shrill sound or a deep groan. but I heard none 

of that. What I heard was even more concerning, because what I heard was words being spoken. I was in shock. 

I never expected it to speak like us. And it didn’t really, for it sounded more like it was trying to recreate things 

based on what it heard us say, but nonetheless. Admear spoke to us. right before it disappeared and this is what it said:

‘Rotting temples. Seek what is. Abandon what is Death. Oh, Life. How great, How wonderful. Oh, Life. Love is here.

Love is now. Always. Pain me, Pain us. One. Never Two.’ And gone it was, with all its mysteries. words now 

abstracted from intention, left up to imperfect interpretation. 

13/08/1977

everywhere you see little statues of Admear, small ornaments to decorate life, and celebrate its short stay here with us.